Focus on What You Can Control, and Other Actions for Allies
Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a more inclusive workplace and be a better ally.
1. Focus on what you can control
I often recommend a simple framework to my coaching clients: Focus on what you can control and acknowledge what you can’t.
At the start of the pandemic, I worked with a leader struggling to support her team while navigating how the situation impacted her personally. She didn’t have all the answers, and she felt she was letting her team down. As a result, she wanted to run away and hide.
This simple framework became her go-to tool for handling the uncertainty of the times. For example, while she couldn’t change the fact that they had to work from home, she could look into securing some budget for home office furniture. By focusing on what she could control and acknowledging what she couldn’t, this leader went from wanting to avoid her team to holding listening sessions and showing up as the leader they needed.
On Election Day here in the US, I happened to read Getting Serious About Diversity: Enough Already with the Business Case by Robin Ely and David Thomas. Here’s just one sentence that caught my attention: “Troubling times provide opportunities for leaders to begin conversations that foster learning.”
As we all navigate the wake of this week’s divisive US election and look to support our coworkers, let’s reach out, acknowledge what’s happening, and give people space to talk if they wish. As we listen, let’s focus on what we can control and acknowledge what we can’t.
Personally, this is how I’m feeling: While almost half of my country voted in a way that doesn’t align with my values, I can and will continue my writing and speaking to help people understand how to be better allies.
Being an ally is a journey, and we don’t have to do it all at once. We can, however, take one step at a time. Start by listening and being empathetic. And keep reading for some specific ways you can to take action.
2. Close the say gap
A recent study found that women’s voices and expertise have been mostly missing from media coverage about the pandemic. The reason why? Media professionals tend to look to women for marriage, family, and divorce topics, but not for other areas. Plus, under a deadline, they tend to tap their existing sources.
It turns out it’s not just a problem with pandemic-related or scientific topics. As I learned from my friend Lee Caraher, an acclaimed communications expert and board member of the PR Council, 70% of people quoted as experts by the media are men. Only 20% of front-page sources are women. As Lee told me, “We won’t close the pay gap until we close the say gap.”
Yet, the “say gap” isn’t limited to the media.
Think about when you need to tap someone’s expertise in the ordinary course of business. For example, to solve an issue, talk to a customer, pitch to a stakeholder, or define strategy. Do you tend to give this kind of work to specific people or certain types of people? Do you have an easier time identifying expertise when it comes in a package that reminds you of yourself?
You may very well have a version of the “say gap” within the walls of your organization.
Each of these opportunities highlights someone’s expertise and increases their visibility, leading to career growth. Allies, it’s essential that we take the time to get to know the expertise around us to have a diverse go-to list for high-profile assignments.
(Thanks to my friend Dr. Resa Lewiss for bringing the study about pandemic media coverage to my attention.)
3. Make space for other voices
In 4 Ways Men Can Support Their Female Colleagues — Remotely, Better Allies champions David Smith and Brad Johnson summarized how and why women are uniquely affected in the work-from-home workplace. They wrote, “Be aware of the tendency for men to dominate conversations in virtual meetings, pitches to clients, formal presentations, and everyday discussions.” They also explained that while some women hold back until there is a clear break in the conversation, others have been spoken over so often on a call or Zoom meeting that they’ve quit trying.
Allies, let’s be sure we’re making space for other voices, not just the fastest or loudest participants.
David and Brad suggest you “look for an opportunity to toss the conversation over to a woman on your team and acknowledge her as an expert in a given topic: ‘Anyway, that’s my two cents, but Mary has way more experience in this area than I do. What do you think, Mary?’”
Worried you might make someone uncomfortable by putting them on the spot? Here’s my go-to approach. “Let’s pause here and ask if there are any questions or comments from someone who hasn’t spoken yet.” You can also send a virtual kick-under-the-table via chat to someone you want to encourage to share their brilliance.
4. Look around and see who’s missing
Last week, I noticed this viral tweet from @helenalovier:
“For @themandalorian, they hired an actual Deaf actor to play one of the Tusken raiders and help create Tusken Sign Language. 😍
They did this bc a hearing person who knew ASL suggested it.
It’s our responsibility, when we’re in the room, to look around and see who’s missing.”
Allies, let’s be sure to look around and see who’s missing. Review meeting invitations, product planning teams, hiring committees, and so on to ensure the voices that should be represented are there.
5. Eliminate candidate suppression tactics
Regular readers of this newsletter know that I’m a fan of Dr. Erin Thomas and her Sunday morning Twitter threads. The latest one was about the discipline her team at Upwork has put into their hiring practices to be more equitable.
They ask themselves a series of questions about their hiring process, including:
- Did we bring out the best in each candidate?
- Do candidates have a uniform experience (same hiring stages, same assessments)?
- Do candidates know that we take them, their time & our talent processes seriously?
- Do we call out shortcuts we or others may be taking, assumptions we’re making, and biases that may be manifesting?
- (Plus other questions — see the thread for the full list)
These questions can help eliminate “candidate suppression tactics” that might be in play by the interview team, consciously or not. Well done.
That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward,
— Karen Catlin, Founder and Author of Better Allies®
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