Make Space for Conversations, and Other Actions for Allies

Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a more inclusive workplace and be a better ally.

1. Make space for conversations

Last week, I joined a Black History Month event featuring Amanda Gorman, hosted by law firm Davis Wright Tremaine. I loved learning about Gorman’s background and her work towards a more equitable world.

Gorman emphasized the importance of practicing hope. She said, “It’s not a perception but an action. Like any muscle, craft, art, or career, we need to work at it.” She also writes about it in her poem “Every Day We Are Learning,” pointing out, “We can not possess hope without practicing it.”

Her words made me reflect on where I’ve been possessing hope without taking any action. The first thing that came to mind is hoping for a peaceful resolution of the war in Gaza and the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

I’ve been silent on the topic since mentioning it in a newsletter in October, where I encouraged allies to take action, however small, to support coworkers and ease others’ pain. While it’s been weighing on me ever since, I haven’t known what else to recommend vis-a-vis my focus on everyday actions to be more inclusive at work.

But then I heard from a newsletter subscriber who was disappointed I hadn’t addressed it again. They pointed out that while the psychological toll from the war is increasing, they’re expected to show up, do their jobs, and not discuss the topic. (They added that their company had silenced them many times for speaking up about Palestine, so much so that they were fearful of losing their job if they mentioned it again.)

Their email reminded me of a post I read soon after George Floyd was murdered by Natalia Eileen Villarmán. She wrote,

“Managers seeking to be inclusive leaders should make keeping up with abhorrent occurrences like this one a top priority. They should attempt to stay abreast of not just the criminalization of Black people, which has persisted for hundreds of years, but of all of the ways communities are systemically oppressed.”

Villarmán added, “At the very least, inclusive leaders should make space to have conversations about these incidences as they occur.” Why? Because “People who withhold their feelings or sense their stories are not welcome within an organization feel less connected.” They’ll also feel “exhausted and depleted.”

If you’re uneasy or unsure about making space for discussions about the war, I recommend How to Talk to Colleagues Affected by Violence in Israel and Gaza from the Oregon Health Care Association.

Share this action on LinkedIn, on Instagram, or on Threads.

2. Build your apology muscle

“Help: I am scared of saying the wrong thing!”

If that sounds like you, here’s some advice from Brooklyn Norton of Mildon, a UK-based Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) consultancy. She’s offering a series of free workshops addressing this topic and gave me this sneak peek into one of the key takeaways:

“We are all going to get it wrong! A little secret: even the EDI ‘experts’ get it wrong, too. However, just like a muscle that we want to grow, we are going to have to practice saying:

• I see how what I said could have been interpreted that way. I’m going to be more aware of my language going forward.
• Thanks for bringing that to my awareness. I am glad you’ve told me; I didn’t know, and I now know.
• Wow, I never thought of that. Would you mind sharing more with me about it?”

Which phrase will you use the next time you make a mistake on your journey to be a better ally?

3. Don’t undermine new hires

On LinkedIn, Dylan Scott wrote about his experience after receiving a promotion at work:

“I was once told part of the reason I was awarded a difficult role at work was because I am Black and trans, and therefore had the resiliency and fortitude to handle the stressful position.” He added, “This comment was hugely undermining of my *skillset* that made me more than qualified for the promotion. Additionally, the remark was deeply triggering for the imposter syndrome I already battle as a biracial, queer, trans person fighting to be valid in the workplace.”

What Dylan described is similar to hearing that you only got the job because you’re a “diversity hire.”

Allies, when hiring or promoting someone, be clear it’s because they’re the best person for the job. That they passed a rigorous interview process, or that you’re promoting them because of their strong past performance and future potential. That they are highly qualified.

And then take every opportunity to set them up for success in their new role by singing their praises widely.

4. Pregame your meetings

A recent Wall Street Journal article started with “Everyone hates meetings. There are too many of them. They drag on. Or they could have been an email.” Right?

The article interviewed author Keith Ferrazzi, who pointed out a problem with traditional meetings. “Some people aren’t as effective in the spur of a moment in a room. Some people are talked over, maybe because they are women, or they are a minority. For whatever reason, some people just don’t get a shot.”

Ferrazzi’s recommendation? Embrace “pregaming.” (And no, his advice does not involve drinking alcohol.)

Here’s what pregaming a meeting might look like. “Colleagues add their thoughts, ideas or feedback on the set agenda for a planned meeting to a shareable online document at least a week prior.” By doing so, Ferrazzi says companies can reduce the number of meetings by 30% while giving more workers the chance to express their thoughts.

Ferrazzi also advises communicating the benefits of contributing to the shareable document beforehand — that it “enhances the chance of diverse views being heard on important corporate decisions.”

And that’s something we all should strive for.

5. Disrupt unconscious bias (take 2)

After reading action #5 in last week’s newsletter, I heard from a few subscribers who kindly pointed out the unconscious bias that’s still happening in the story I shared — that many of us typically default to a “boy” option for toys (as well as clothing and activities) as the gender-inclusive one.

I agree and admit I didn’t consider it while writing that newsletter.

There are many other examples of male defaults in our world. Caroline Criado Perez explores many of them and their disturbing effect on women’s lives in the bestselling book Invisible Women. It’s an essential read for allies everywhere.

(p.s. You may have noticed that last week’s newsletter had the wrong date in the masthead. Darn it. We’ve revised our quality editing check to ensure that doesn’t happen again.)

That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward.

— Karen Catlin (she/her), author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2024 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

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